Luxia Le

One thing that became crystal clear the longer I tried to function in normie society was that talking was a struggle for me. I would stutter and rely on canned, pre-planned responses for almost everything. I would go to work, put on my people-pleasing mask, and come home utterly exhausted and without the motivation to take care of basic things like showering or brushing my teeth.

Since 2023, I’ve been learning American Sign Language. I am by no means fluent and do not intend to claim any kind of benefit or credential with it. I only want to learn to communicate without using my voice.

Since beginning my life in silence, I’ve noticed a marked difference in the way my body feels. I feel lighter, more energized, my thoughts are clearer and my expression of ideas, while naturally less clear due to the fact that I’m still a learner and by no means fluent, feels more natural and I don’t have to think as much in terms of “rehearsing” conversations, even if my vocabulary is naturally smaller at the moment.

One thing I’ve learned from the last few years is that people are super offended when you don’t talk to them. So many people, from family to strangers, seem to feel entitled to communication on their own terms only. They don’t want to make room for me because it’s inconvenient and they would have to learn a new skill which they don’t want to do.

Finding a job has also been a struggle since the writing field got hit with the AI apocalypse. I’ve spent so much time job searching that I’m seeking to go back into my previous field of professional pet care to make ends meet.