QUIETWORLD

so i’ve been delving into japanese mental health subcultures lately, mostly because i’ve been hearing about menhera and jirai kei in my circles and i’ve come across the term “landmine” used both as a self-descriptor and as a pejorative.

for those who don’t know, the term “landmine” in japan refers to a woman with a mental health condition who is volatile and unstable, but appears fine on the outside.

jirai kei (landmine type) is a dark fashion subtype that blends dark romance with themes of mental suffering. it is strongly associated with anti-recovery in japan and is often used as a self-deprecating descriptor.

menhera (mental healther) is a term that also refers to women with mental health conditions, and is derived from the mentaru herusu ban on 2channel. it was used as a pejorative, but is being reclaimed to refer to people with mental health conditions without the negative association. menhera kei is a fashion subtype associated with menhera that blends cute pastels with medical imagery, such as syringes, bandages, and hospital bracelets. menhera is a recovery community.

most people do not consider jirai and menhera to be related because of the difference in opinions on recovery.

but i guess, what i’m realising as i go through this difficult phase of my life is that… i am just volatile. i have big emotions and sometimes they’re bigger than me.

the first time i ever cried in front of my ex-husband, they later told me “the sound of your crying was the most harrowing thing i’ve ever heard in my life.” that whole relationship at the time, also, is just proof that i’m a landmine. my behaviour was horrible, i was deeply unstable, and i needed to be in treatment, not running around getting married to someone i just met, really.

am i a landmine? maybe. and that’s… not necessarily a bad thing if i can clear the blast radius in time.