so, as we approach the final date of the start of this project, i want to give everyone who’s been here the whole time (i know there’s a few of you and i have nothing but love for each and every one) a quick heads up since the content of this blog is going to be wrapped into my passion project, and the content of these daily posts (well, they’re supposed to be daily… i’ll get there) is going to change a lot. however, i want to stress that if you’re here for any of the evergreen content that is already on this blog, those things will be staying around. the fundamentals of this blog are not going to change, there will just be additional content that wasn’t here before and may be upsetting for some readers.
i’m going to be straight with you, this passion project that i’m working on is a challenge and deconstruction of the american disability narrative. disabled people are often only represented when they can be portrayed as pitiful or inspirational. there is no acceptable amount of disability to show because the “correct” type of disability in America is one that enforces full remission and a return to the typical baseline of productivity and societal engagement. as a result, people whose recovery processes are slower or for whom full remission may not be functionally possible tend to feel as though they’ve failed at recovery and done it wrong and that they are somehow morally failing because they cannot achieve full recovery.
this blog aims to tell a different type of disability story. i don’t want to be inspirational. i’m not interested in putting out polished, influencer inspiration porn about how “i got all better and i’m healed and thriving like a regular person!” i’m not interested in selling an inspirational story of overcoming disabling health conditions and getting all better; i want to tell a realistic story: the real things i do every day and why i do them.
i will be documenting my life each day and posting it on a wide variety of social media platforms. each platform represents one of the three things i aim to show the world about disability. those three axes i want to show are “disabled truths”, “disabled joys”, and “disabled excellence.” i aim to show a multifaceted representation of disabled life in the united states of america. the stories i tell won’t have happy endings all the time. sometimes the end of the story is when the protagonist dies. this is meant to be a living document, a progressive journey through one disabled person’s life without the veneer of influencer polish.
disability-related posts will only be accessible through the “blog” page. you will never see a triggering post unless you click on the blog page in the drop down menu. the only content that will be publicly visible to all viewers may not be safe for work (with the words flying out of my fingers you could get fired for reading me on the job), but they will be safe for life. you do not have to worry about getting jumpscared with medical catastrophising in your keyboard review.
here is the full list of content warnings for this blog: self-harm, eating disorders, schizoprhenia spectrum-related stuff (hallucinations, delusions, paranoias, etc.), medical/hospital-related content, discrimination, medical abuse, medical gaslighting, child abuse, sexual abuse, spousal abuse, disorganised behaviour and thinking, forced recovery, legal system involvement, recovery neutral stance, criticism of the american healthcare system, politics, violent thoughts and fantasies, antisocial behaviour, involvement in criminalised activity, pro-self-harm/ED thoughts
it is important that i make a very, very clear distinguishing line here. i will be documenting my thoughts and feelings during this project, including the ones that are not socially acceptable to say. however, this blog is not pro-self-harm/pro-ana. this blog is critical of the current recovery model for chronic self-harmers and those with eating disorders, but will explicitly avoid giving any information about how to engage in these behaviours. however, it would be inauthentic to the mission statement of this blog if i were to scrub the bad feelings out and only project positivity. there is so much positive inspiration porn featuring disasbled creators. this blog refuses to be a part of that sanitisation.
this part of the blog asssumes the reader is already engaging in self-harm or disordered eating. it does not encourage people to start behaviours they do not currently have or worsen behaviours they experience. however, i will not be providing professional resources and hotline numbers anywhere. these programs are largely ineffective, often abusive to the patients, and do not treat sufferers with dignity. professional help is something that must be chosen by the sufferer, not enforced externally. this blog is explicitly anti-forced recovery. i do not believe pushing people into abstinencer only treatment is helpful. i believe that baker’s act, section 12b, and 5150s are an indication of a failing system and an abusive practitioner who does not prioritise the well-being of patients. if you have ever been baker’s acted, section 12b’d, or 5150’d, i encourage you to share your story in the comments as our voices are strongest when they sing together. you know your fundamental human rights were violated, and i’m going to say what no one else dares to: they didn’t try to help you and they abused you. if you felt neglected or abused by the psych ward team, i am on your side. i believe you.
if you are thinking of hurting yourself, you are not alone. you are not broken beyond repair. you are not a lost cause. you are not a problem to be fixed. you are a person who is doing the best they can right now. you should want to get better, but it’s up to you what you think being ‘better’ looks like. don’t let forced recovery teach you that you’re a failure if you still have symptoms. we don’t criticise diabetics for still needing insulin.
if it’s important to you, i’m a leftist. i will not be debating politics on here or in the comments section, but it’s impossible to tell a realistic disability narrative without a little bit of politics and bureaucracy. and, let’s just be real, there is definitely a “political group” in america that is all about sending all the disabled people back to asylums, and i won’t be pulling punches with that topic. if hearing the truth about your cult offends you, fuck off before you come across a word with more than 5 letters and your head explodes.